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Our History

  • 1941

  • 1942

  • 1993

  • 1994

  • 1994

  • 1998

There was peace in the valley. Times were good and life was simple. Its people are kind and just. They had no idea what was coming for them.

Everything changed in the fall of 1942 when the unicorns attacked. Believing they were the superior race and that humans were a cancer to be cut out. Their iron clad will and superior "sparkly dreams" based weapon technology made the humans defeat a certainty. The first city to fall was New York, later renamed by the invaders as "New Hug-a-fun!". It was anything but..

After many years of fluffy pink tyranny all hope seemed lost. The humans who hadn't been slaughtered had been forced to work the Sprinkle mines. Some say death would have been a merciful alternative. Little did the good people know, a young captain in the resistance army had discovered the unicorns greatest weakness and the tide of the war was about to change.

In June of that year the young ambitious resistance Captain, Captain Handlebar, had discovered the Unicorn's weakness. He found they have an aversion to unkind words. Captain Handlebar, pictured here, then built the first Unkind Word Cannons (or UWK). It could fling insults at over 200 yards at a rate of 6 Gordon Ramsey's a minute. It was humanities last hope.

October of that year saw "The Battle of Wittle Big Unihorn". Fighting was brutal and harsh. The humans used the unicorns inability to to open doors (as they do not have thumbs) to their advantage. Firing curse words and insults from elevated positions within buildings with closed doors as the unicorns laid siege to the building was hard for the human defenders but they persevered. Eight days of bloody fighting later the unicorns called for a full retreat of New Hug-a-fun! and the humans celebrated their first long awaited victory. Many celebrated with sparklers.

After four more years of battles all across the world the Unicorns had finally been pushed back the border of their homeland which I can only assume is Romania or something. Fearing an invasion of their home they agreed to meet with human diplomats to negotiate a surrender. On October 26, 1998 the Unicorns agreed to a conditional surrender which was ratified by the United Nations 4 days later at a summit in Berns, Switzerland. This would come to be known as the Treaty of Berns. The Unicorn diplomats left in a hurry to report back to their leaders but the human delegation (seen above) can be seen in their traditional business casual attire with their silver war reparations gift bags. This was the end of the most colorful yet costly war in human history.